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Crushes of Context

by KC Bowman

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1.
We lost disproportionately They watched us devolve into vagueness We mocked ourselves into demise And when there’s nothing left but cold caprice You guard your grievance like a dog in the manger You’ll let yourself breed contempt until you die of common diseases So let the sentences retain Reinforcement judgments, consternated ruin Your solitude will be confined Glow in your penumbra Efflorescent moon You played for a peak full of fame & fortune The heights of which you fail to climb or tumble down You’re isolated from your savior You’ll be jarred into good behavior What costs us inordinately Can stop ourselves from becoming the demons We knock ourselves up every time You sell yourself a print in bold relief And hang it up like a portrait of Jesus In vain attempts to repent for your decline We know that you need to Just let your temperance lay in wait We’ll destroy the government Elevate the faith When all of you withhold the names Will you hold us under? Drown us with your weight? You strayed incomplete from the shame and forced us To side with none who justify your every move Your convolution was your failure You've been jarred into good behavior
2.
We were armchair multiplexing priests of panic Changing roles with every fortnight Keeping old whims fortified, feast or famine Light and dark, it never appeared right We try to leave it up in the air We can’t afford to fumble or fake If I’m egregious and shockingly stained I speak the words I might like to say We were straw people, flawed heroes Cold inside but never in vain Did you doubt me, did you find Beaker savage? All along the evidence framed him All about me a terrified feeble planet Under oath, we overexplained it Don’t mind your feelings, they’re puzzling and fleet Can we turn a prophet from pain? If I believed it, was it a dream? The tyrants leaving office in shame may be all your demons Who’ve gone to seedlings Underground they patiently wait
3.
Would you do what you do if it didn’t get stuck in a mess? Should you do say what you said when the gentry all confessed? They’ll hold you down Apply the grip They throw you ‘round Until you flip your whigs Place your own replacement Gone for good is greatness you can taste! Could you do what you do when they can’t come through in end? Did you do what you did when they didn’t see nothin’ you kept? They’ll mow you down They’ll reap the filth They’ll throw you out Until you flip your whigs Our favorite agitation Gone for good is greatness you can taste!
4.
Parades for all, as God intended Shades of a populist nightmare You stayed resolved, you almost nabbed it Brave and contagious you live One day you could breathe as though your lungs were kept In papers and collected poems You dodge the draft in depth Exploding within The demon spawn of avarice And greed is morality’s pretext Careers and cars and vacant, distant dreams of rapacity fade Once truth has absolved you of accomplishment It’s treated like the social norm You leave the rest unkempt in obvious need Keep your bones and shed the ghost Slip away to spare the closeness You can leave before the judgment begins to intone You may be so indoctrinated You crash the occasional landmark Engage yourself in complicated plans And performative play Right now they could bring you down With no offense, exactly like they did before With consequence and pain And barely a sound Take your guns and leave your post Like you did when you were homesick You can keep yourself redundant Commit to the cause
5.
What does time mean anyway? Apace inordinately A stranger light, a golden sight to see Let your frights be swept away and take your storms to sea A careful life, the only kind you lead They rub it in when you’re feeling down When your feet get tied and you’re losing ground So sad to see, I hope you get through it The trouble is when you’re really scarred and defeat seems nigh and you’re losing spark Don’t stress the strain, everything’s fluid When does pride mean most to you? In graceful form and fit For most of us beholden types you meet Let your science teach truth to you Embrace your warmth and wit A toast to us and everyone you keep What’s left but the frequent fights Over steep amounts, over fees to find In depth indeed the circle gets druid Love affairs burn brief and bright Don’t heed the doubt Wear your blue jeans tight No set to shape, everything’s fluid
6.
Guilt Friend 03:49
The life you’re leading loathsome Saves you from a funeral pyre Ignatius kerosene to the pile of leaves They’re holding every kind of friendly fire Regrets are more esteemed when the ride is through We made it through the breach Grieve your twisted gothic shame for me Until another scene when it’s obviously weird Perhaps you can’t explain this one to me You talk about this like it’s ancient Kubla Khan proclaimed to let your fate become your faith How do you get to be my good friend? Why do I get to be your guilt friend? How did I get to be your good friend? Why did you get to be my guilt friend? The price of preening always gets you into other binds Or lest you roam the streets your advice to me is only Detrimental oversight Forget your obsolete and entitled frames of mind Your blatant overreach leaves you with no groundlessness to gain Maybe next year it’ll start to settle down You don’t think you can wait for that long What about this - maybe you were wrong You want me to be here, whatever the cost How did you get to be my good friend? Why did I get to be your guilt friend? How do I get to be your good friend? Why do you get to be my guilt friend?
7.
We’ll pick it apart in kind to nail you And to make sure you’ll be tossed This time we know for certain No tripped alarm, no one to save you Gonna take turns killing you off Or driving you to jail We’ll sweep you under Apply the grip Provide the documents And watch you read the script Complain to no one Who’s listening in? Comply with all of it Exactly like we did Gimme the concentrate No time to water it down for the middle Let it dissolve my faith in these Will the pedantic pace And fees involved combine in remittal Will it absolve your ways and means? Twelve years have gotten you feeling dramatic Did you get your point across? You tried to draw the curtains What tipped you off Was it our regalia? Was it how we fenced you in? With no more leading trails Your own conundrum Our wily wit No sleight of confidence If that’s what reels you in You’re safe from everyone You pledge to win I’m tired of all of this It makes no fucking sense Gimme the concentrate No time to water it down for the middle Let it dissolve my faith in these Will the romantic stage Of thieves in love deny your acquittal? Will it absolve your ways and means? Gimme the concentrate No time to water it down just a little Let it dissolve my faith in this For every plan you make That veers towards divine inhalation Gimme a God who’ll plead the fifth
8.
Elves 03:12
We like to dress up like we’re elves We like to save you from yourselves You’ll guess our next compulsion To fly with jet propulsion Our soldier priestess holds the line Upon your evil we will dine We’ll shake our monkeymakers Tumble like Henson bakers We’re busy freaking out ourselves And for a while we’ll try to make you smile You’ll pay our wage until you die Creative license You’ll share with my sense Of fame and fortune and life and what could bleed us Out of what flows inside our veins And all the fears that plague our brains You might not dare believe us But you could never leave us Unless you think we’ve gone insane I’m almost scared to say this Oh no, I’ll never say this Spheres collide in space they made us Creative license You’ll share with my sense Of fame and fortune and life We really need it We like to dress up like ourselves To make you think that we’re not elves We hide ourselves from you and all of the other humans And then we dress up like we’re elves Conspire with all your teachers And all the lowly creatures Grace and lust and dreams combined Inside a blender We won’t surrender Until the postmen They ring the bell forever
9.
It’s not about me, it’s about you You haven’t got a hint, not a faint clue In spite of this and in lieu of us The roast beast says it’s through with us And now needs to be this Or otherwise it’s a death wished uncinematically The last days of Gloria Trillo The broil to the head led to something big The struggle in descent was your own tilt Don’t try to speak in the truest of Your own attempts to get used to us The repercussions were felt A lot that needs to be dealt with Checking your three o’clock Because only members are killers And you define this as passionate You’re checking out while we’re cashing in The little moments like this that you remember Were clipped out Suspension and disbelief The last days of Gloria Trillo
10.
They were in the phase of colonial ways of rule And in those bad old days, it was me that they couldn’t recruit Atlanta turned and then we all proclaimed the truth The distant clamor displayed their iniquitous rage as cruel Cold wartime economy The problem ‘til today was an obvious aim to please Until they abdicated for a dream that was more diseased Than every magistrate and policeman upon the street The vision darkens in death, and you leave them with no repeal Cold wartime economy So you see that you played the fool When you lost no time to school They trapped you in the knots of plain delusion You gotta kill to slay, to beat them, to plead the fifth Your honor is thrilled to say that you won’t say what you did To win the battle, you see, you won’t let your place within Concede your sad estate to at least one or more of your kids Cold wartime economy Then the twister came too soon And the tinman turned spittoon Suffragists would become the fists of the revolution
11.
Talus Monkey 04:06
I'll take this one misstep at a time I'll find my feet Survive this climb if I glissade now My heart's been set on you Do whatever you want me to I'll hold you one loose grip at a time My arm's asleep beside you Gliding all the way down You know you stoked the fire And you keep on kissin' it higher They keep on running you down Mystified, you might even say Everywhere you find a crusade, boy Anytime you're down to your underage You keep on pleading me on The suffrage I know keeps it away Every time you're blind to mistakes, lord A conscious life you'll try to live The old ones left to die I'll say this one loose lip at a time My speech polite recital Writing all the words down When all of you settle out of court You won't do without I'll let your life go free in the time It takes to flash before you Tumbling all the way down You know you'll miss the wire Contextual desire They keep on gunning us down Light to light and day after day Every time you try to relate, girl After all you hauled in your wonderment You'll see my face in the sky Amplified in thousands of ways Everyone survived your mistake, boy Unconscious light you'll find When you know you left the game
12.
Sunshower 03:38
The animal schemes as a theme or the glow is unreal It’s a sunshower The foxes are bathing, the jackal and wolf in repose It’s a sunshower You plan your retrievals in greed as the show is revealed It’s a sunshower With God as a favorable day, it’s the devil you know It’s a sunshower You endlessly reach and your scatter your words in a mess It’s a sunshower The same can be nearly explained or abhorrently bid It’s a sunshower Defend or concede if you’d rather be worst or be best It’s a sunshower Incapably seizing the reins with deplorable twits It’s a sunshower Adonis and everyone else at the top of the page It’s a sunshower The sacred we always abuse or we violently slay It’s a sunshower Admonish intent to yourself if you want to get paid It’s a sunshower You play me for all you confuse to be righteous as rain It’s a sunshower
13.
You’re up, you get dressed You make believe you’re nobody’s fool and hope you’re seen as dignified You’re sure to impress You make the scene all over the school You told the teachers who was right Avoiding the mainstream Rewarding your daydreams Holding ‘em high Irregular cool kids You make your own rules if you know what you like You’re tougher than this You take relief in throwing the fight You know you need to prove the lies Enough to resist your own deceit Award your own prize to loneliness that you survive Alarmingly shake me Calmly contain me Watch me explode If all you forsake me Bend me and break me I thought you should know: This is it, kid Listen we’re telling you You do what you did, you do what you did
14.
You say it like goodbye You’ve gone prescriptive The youth that you have wasted goes to Bethlehem What bathes in turpentine? A cloth? A missile? For traitors who forsake you and repent to them? You’re armed to the pepsodent teeth John Davidson smile John Derringer piece A fist to your petulant lips You gave up your rights You barely exist to me You pray that you’ll be fined Thank God you witnessed The truth as legislated in a fascist state You waiver then resign They call you “Nixon” In danger and unstable on the path you pave You’re armed to the pepsodent teeth Reveal your fright Your violent belief You made an impression on this It’s hidden, plain sight Conceal your peace from me
15.
Condition Me 04:25
Brace yourself defensively Cauterize what ails you Codify your pleas Wade into the violent stream Maybe you belong there Otherwise you’ll leave Heights impossibly you scale With your limits shy insatiable and steep Did you notice them or did you let them fade Estrange the frills you can’t afford to keep And when your problems start to mete the punishment explicitly Condition me You bore me out and paid the keep and solved another mystery Condition me We place aside all horrible, horrible feelings We grant ourselves improbable time We’re in the grasp of torturous, torturous healing We stop ourselves just short of the line Compromise is medieval Waste your time effectively Solidify your vague and undetermined mien Take what you should not receive Cede the rest and claim your conscience isn’t clean And, as urgently you bail Out the vessel sailing, slowly springing leaks Do you warn them all, as torrents breach the wales You float until you can’t afford to sink So let me out I can’t contend with all of these indignities Condition me You wore me out ,I’m overspent Insolvency is bittersweet Condition me You’ll hear me out I’ll tell you this You can’t dismiss what you should be Condition me Completely lost, you find your bliss - in what’s remiss: simplicity Condition me You’ll live beside your horrible, horrible feelings You gave yourself these obstacles once You’re in the traps of virtuous, virtuous meanings You stop yourself just short of the one Compromise you can deal with
16.
Hey, during the day I am afraid of nothing And nothing can change my mind Indulge in something, The evening can make you mad So do you propose that they offer you bliss? So would you devolve, or could you resist? It’s all that you need, and it’s all that you miss More time spent to either run away or go home To make someone convince themselves Of jubilation for cleaning the normal filth It’s always something, progressive and gaining grip And do they ignore how you fasten your lip It’s you they should know, it’s me that you tricked The deepest remorse The optimal wish unrewarded You need it to be orderly kids The night creeps are a separate being In form and function and in your remorseful way You rise above it, awaken the very next day And reach a resolve and carry that weight The helping is God in a relative way The best will be lost, the worst will be left in shamelessness To either run away or go home You either run away or go home

credits

released October 20, 2023

Composition, Engineering and Production: KC Bowman
Recorded at Timber Trout, Oakland CA (April-October 2023)
Artwork by Donna Klie (@donnaklieart)
Photography by Matteo Bowman, Aaron Rubin
Featuring: Karla Kane, Kelly Atkins, Ned Sykes, Bradley Skaught, Khoi Huynh, Charlie Crabtree, Aaron Rubin, Lenny Gill and Jozef Becker

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KC Bowman Oakland, California

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